1 00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:04,178 . 2 00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:06,093 - "Will and Grace" is recorded 3 00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:08,312 in front of a live studio audience. 4 00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:09,313 - Hold the elevator, please. 5 00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:10,314 - No, don't, don't. 6 00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:11,924 - Why? - 'Cause it's James. 7 00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,535 - The guy you dated who found out you slept with his son? 8 00:00:13,578 --> 00:00:15,276 - And his father. Let it close, let it close. 9 00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:16,842 - Take your time. We'll hold. 10 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,670 - Oh. 11 00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:21,499 You suck. 12 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,893 - Hi. 13 00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:26,026 - Thanks. - Sure. 14 00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:30,247 - Hello, Grace. 15 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,554 - Hello, James. 16 00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:34,164 - You're looking well. - Thank you. 17 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,384 You too. - We're fine. 18 00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:39,430 Come out from behind the umbrella, please. 19 00:00:39,474 --> 00:00:41,693 - Hello. 20 00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:44,566 - You know, in fact, why don't we get a fresh start? 21 00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,829 Let's go out for a drink some time. 22 00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,700 - Really? 23 00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:49,701 - I'd like that. 24 00:00:49,745 --> 00:00:51,442 And no one needs to hear from you. 25 00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:52,791 - Don't you think you should tell him about the-- 26 00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:55,316 - I think it can wait. - I don't think it can. 27 00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:58,058 - Okay, given our history and the fact 28 00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,669 that I just heard all that, 29 00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:01,844 I'd actually kind of like to have 30 00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:04,368 all the information up front. 31 00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:07,154 - I'm pregnant, but the father is not in the picture. 32 00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:09,939 - It's not someone in my family, is it? 33 00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:12,202 - He's gotta ask. 34 00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:15,553 - No, no, it's not your father or your son... 35 00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,903 or you. - Ah! [laughs] 36 00:01:17,947 --> 00:01:19,905 Good to know. [chuckles] 37 00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,255 Well, look, I don't have a problem with it 38 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,648 if you don't have a problem with it. 39 00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:24,997 - I don't have a problem with it. 40 00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:26,129 - Great. [elevator bell dings] 41 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,391 I'll text you. 42 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,135 - You're a pregnant woman 43 00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,050 who slept with everyone in his family. 44 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,400 How are you getting more action than me? 45 00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,923 - I don't know what to tell you, Will. 46 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,099 When you got it, you got it. 47 00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,666 Oh. No, wait. 48 00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,581 Oh, my God. No, no, no, no! 49 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:46,671 [upbeat trumpet and piano music] 50 00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:53,635 ♪ 51 00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,943 You know what the best thing about going on a date 52 00:01:57,987 --> 00:02:01,512 with someone where you slept with his father and his son? 53 00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:05,777 - You know if they're only culturally Jewish? 54 00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:09,129 - There's nothing I can do that's worse. 55 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,260 I mean, if he's already forgiven me 56 00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:11,957 for something that bad, 57 00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,308 I can't get away with anything. 58 00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,701 - You should run for president. 59 00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:20,705 Aren't you going out for dinner? 60 00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:23,360 - Yeah, but if I stuff my face now with Mexican, 61 00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:26,058 I can graze delicately on our date. 62 00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,756 Like a lady. 63 00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:33,022 - ♪ Jeepers creepers 64 00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:34,806 ♪ I'm getting new peepers 65 00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:37,026 ♪ Lasik surgery 66 00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,376 ♪ Paid by my friend Will 67 00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:41,683 - Did you buy that outfit just for this bit? 68 00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:46,035 - No, the hat is from a hip-hop barber shop quartet, 69 00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:50,126 and the cane is so I can trip people on roller blades. 70 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,433 - You know, if you cut down on these sorts of purchases, 71 00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:54,348 you could pay for the surgery by yourself. 72 00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:55,784 - Forget your milkshake, 73 00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:59,875 practicality brings all the boys to your yard. 74 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,006 - It is a lot of money. 75 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:02,225 - Well... 76 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,705 she's expensive, but she's worth it. 77 00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:05,489 [clicks tongue] 78 00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:08,188 Plus, it's an investment. [clicks tongue] 79 00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:09,667 Plus... 80 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,234 shut up. 81 00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:14,977 Having to wear glasses at auditions makes me look old. 82 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:16,718 It's obviously the reason for the recent lull 83 00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:18,546 in my acting career. - Mm. 84 00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:21,288 I'm not sure you know what "lull" means. 85 00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:23,507 - I know what LOL means, 86 00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:27,250 and I know I'm not doing it right now. 87 00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:28,860 Oh, by the way, I opened a Venmo account 88 00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:30,819 so you can pay for the procedure tomorrow. 89 00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:34,344 Your username is Big-boned Girl. 90 00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,173 Yeah, check your phone. 91 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,870 I need to know the security code they gave you. 92 00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,611 - 4-2-9-7. 93 00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:42,134 - 4-2-9-7. Got it. 94 00:03:42,178 --> 00:03:44,224 ♪ Thank you kindly 95 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,051 ♪ Now I won't see blindly 96 00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,097 ♪ And the best part 97 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,751 ♪ I don't pay the bill 98 00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,581 - So now you're paying for his elective surgery? 99 00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:55,713 I mean, you're basically his sugar daddy, 100 00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:58,977 except you don't have sex, and you're both old. 101 00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:00,283 - So I help him out a little. 102 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:03,155 - Yeah, but are you really helping him? 103 00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:05,462 It's not until you remove the net 104 00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:09,466 that one can really walk the high wire of life. 105 00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:13,253 - What supermodel's Instagram is that from? 106 00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:14,732 - Will you give me some credit? 107 00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:18,083 Chrissy Teigen is also a judge on reality television. 108 00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,172 [cell phone rings] - It's not--it's not that bad. 109 00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:22,610 You know, I buy him a few things here and there. 110 00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:24,089 Hello? - Yes, hello. 111 00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:27,615 This is Steve with credit fraud early warning. 112 00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,312 We need to verify some charges. 113 00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:31,923 - Sure. - We have a charge for $800 114 00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:33,185 at the Lasik Eye Center. 115 00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,144 - Yes, that's mine. - Good, good, good. 116 00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:36,580 There are three others. 117 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:40,889 $185 at Balloon Elegance, 118 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:45,589 $415 for a custom nude body suit, 119 00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:50,681 and $830 for various items at Submissive Male. 120 00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:55,730 Spelled M-A-L-E, like men. 121 00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,514 - No, I got it, I got it, I got it. 122 00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:00,691 I didn't personally make any of those purchases. 123 00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:03,215 - Oh, no reason to be embarrassed, Mr. Truman. 124 00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:05,087 We all have our hobbies. 125 00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:07,132 Mr. Truman, would you be willing 126 00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:11,093 to take a brief survey about customer satisfaction? 127 00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,442 - Would I? [phone beeps] 128 00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,618 ♪ 129 00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:16,272 . 130 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,274 [upbeat piano music] 131 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,841 - Grace? 132 00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:21,495 - Uh, in the kitchen. 133 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:26,195 Morning. 134 00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:27,588 - Who wakes up looking this good? 135 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,590 - I guess I do. 136 00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,113 - I like this. 137 00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:32,767 I mean, you remember how messy it was last time? 138 00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:33,898 - Yeah. 139 00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:35,247 - This feels clean. 140 00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:36,684 - That's me. 141 00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:38,860 Naturally clean. 142 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:41,950 - Listen, I gotta get going this morning, 143 00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:44,213 but stay as long as you like, 144 00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:47,738 and if you're here when I get home, 145 00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:50,262 I'd be delighted. 146 00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:51,873 [door shuts] 147 00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,788 - Ooh. 148 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,442 Will, we have to move. 149 00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:57,879 - What? Why? 150 00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,881 - A terrible, terrible thing happened. 151 00:05:59,924 --> 00:06:01,143 - What, bad date? 152 00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:02,449 - No, it was great. Great night. 153 00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,364 Great morning. Great everything. 154 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,975 All we did was talk and kiss and he was such a gentleman 155 00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,368 and it was so romantic. 156 00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:10,195 - So? 157 00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:13,155 - After James left this morning for work, 158 00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:16,463 nature really started calling. 159 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:19,814 I mean, hard. 160 00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:22,425 Like, I couldn't even make it up one flight of stairs 161 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,776 to my own bathroom hard. 162 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,561 Anyway... 163 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,432 something terrible happened. 164 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:33,610 - I'm--I'm not following. 165 00:06:33,654 --> 00:06:36,787 - There's a certain... 166 00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:40,182 clogging situation. 167 00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:41,879 - You were dancing in wooden shoes? 168 00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:43,185 - Why are you making me spell it out? 169 00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:46,449 - Because it's hilarious. [laughing] 170 00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,103 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So okay... 171 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:51,367 two things, number one, did you call a plumber? 172 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,413 - Yes, I called, like, ten plumbers. 173 00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:54,501 What's number two? 174 00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:57,547 - I think you know what number two is. 175 00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,897 - The soonest a plumber can come is tonight. 176 00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:00,942 What am I supposed to do? 177 00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:01,899 - Leave the country. 178 00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:02,944 - [chuckles mockingly] 179 00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,641 - No, I am serious. Move to Canada. 180 00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:05,860 Start all over. 181 00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,470 Get a new identity, new face, 182 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:12,301 and here's a new name for you, Alice Cleanfanny. 183 00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,737 - Would you please be serious? 184 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:17,524 - I am being completely serious, Alice. 185 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:18,438 - Where are you going? 186 00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:19,743 - Well, I gotta teach a class, 187 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:22,659 then I gotta pick up Jack from Lasik surgery. 188 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,922 Guess you could say I got a real load to carry. 189 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,099 Deuces. 190 00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:32,539 ♪ 191 00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:35,716 - You know, the best part about this Lasik surgery 192 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:40,111 is, you get to experience what it's like to be blind. 193 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,551 Thank you. 194 00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,074 Brian. 195 00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:49,730 Whoa, commando. I guess it's laundry day. 196 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:52,472 - Hey, gorgeous. 197 00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,735 What do you say you ditch Helen Keller here, 198 00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:58,260 and I'll show you who the real miracle worker is. 199 00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,523 - Coco, you're married, remember? 200 00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:04,266 I do, 'cause you mentioned me in your vows. 201 00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:09,532 - Well, you just say the word, and I'll "Gone Girl" him. 202 00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,752 - So, Jack, I-I'd like to talk about something. 203 00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:12,927 - Yeah? 204 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,103 - This is serious. 205 00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,323 - Yeah? 206 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:19,760 - You know what Grace was saying 207 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:21,501 about me paying for everything? 208 00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,938 - Oh, my God, I was waiting for you to bring that up. 209 00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:25,722 What was she even talking about? 210 00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,681 She seemed hysterical. 211 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:31,162 I'm not gonna be offensive and say it's 'cause she's pregnant. 212 00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,774 It's 'cause she's a woman, right? 213 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,906 - Or does she have a point? 214 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:39,562 I mean, maybe my paying for everything has held you back. 215 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,781 - Counterpoint: 216 00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:45,046 imagine what I could've done with more money. 217 00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:46,917 - Do you ever feel like I'm infantilizing you? 218 00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:51,269 - No, because I would never let you touch me there. 219 00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:53,141 What are you saying, woman? Speak clearly. 220 00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,709 - I'm saying I've decided... 221 00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:58,276 to cut you off. 222 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,541 - Well, now I'm worried I need Lasik for my ears. 223 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:02,585 Because it sounded like you said-- 224 00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:05,457 - I'm not giving you money anymore. 225 00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,329 - What? 226 00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:09,549 This is worse than you infantilizing me. 227 00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:13,596 Oh, oh. You are crafty. 228 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,858 You have brought me to a public place 229 00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,338 so I wouldn't make a scene. 230 00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:18,383 - I brought you to a drag bar. I knew you'd make a scene. 231 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,168 I wanted you to blend in. 232 00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:23,737 I'm doing this for your own good. 233 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,260 - No, you're not. 234 00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,871 You're doing this because you're a selfish little man 235 00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,830 with problem skin. 236 00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,180 - Are you getting mad at me? 237 00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:33,442 I'm the one that should be pissed. 238 00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:35,400 I give you money for everything. 239 00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:37,446 My--my kid's college fund went to a failed 240 00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,404 adult bouncy castle business. 241 00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:43,278 - Jumping Jacks was ahead of its time. 242 00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:46,542 The only misstep was partnering with Cactus Carl. 243 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,850 - Have you ever once considered paying me back? 244 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,547 Have you considered thanking me? 245 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,201 What do I get out of this friendship except 246 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:56,030 a barrage of insults and a reputation among 247 00:09:56,073 --> 00:10:00,251 certain call center employees that I'm an insatiable bottom? 248 00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:03,646 - You want me to thank you, Will? 249 00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,693 Is that what you want? Okay, well, thank you, Will. 250 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:11,132 Thank you for putting a price on our friendship. 251 00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:12,655 - Jack. - No, you've said enough. 252 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:13,656 - Jack, but, but-- 253 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,789 - [gibbers] 254 00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,921 You have humiliated me in a public place, 255 00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:20,010 and now I'm going to leave this establishment 256 00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:22,230 in a dignified manner. 257 00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:26,408 ♪ 258 00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:28,062 . 259 00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,280 [knocking at door] 260 00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:33,154 - Thank you so, so much for fitting me in. 261 00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:35,896 - Well, you said your life depended on it. 262 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:38,855 - Well, my romantic life, but you don't care about that. 263 00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,552 - You think because I'm a plumber, 264 00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:43,686 I don't care about love? 265 00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:46,254 - Oh, no. No, of course not. 266 00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:49,387 See, um, I kind of blew it with this guy last year, 267 00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:50,693 and now I have a second chance-- 268 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:54,654 - Turns out, I don't care that much. 269 00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,743 - Um, the bathroom is right back there. 270 00:10:58,266 --> 00:10:59,789 It's pretty bad. 271 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:02,052 - No worries, ma'am. 272 00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:04,272 I've seen it all. 273 00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:09,364 Mother of God! 274 00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:18,460 Lady, you got a real situation going on in there. 275 00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:23,073 I think I just looked into the devil's eyes. 276 00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:27,469 There's no way this is a one-man job. 277 00:11:27,512 --> 00:11:28,992 - You need more help? 278 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,559 - No, I mean there's no way 279 00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:33,867 you could've done that alone. 280 00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,390 - But you could fix it, right? 281 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:38,610 - I don't even know what it is. 282 00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:40,569 I don't have the tools. 283 00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:42,789 I'll call my friend at the zoo. 284 00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:48,142 - The zoo? It's not that bad. 285 00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:51,754 - Is that really for you to say? 286 00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,190 - I was just trying to be a lady. 287 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,365 - Try harder. 288 00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,760 I'll be back as soon as I can. 289 00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:59,762 - What am I supposed to do in the meantime? 290 00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,504 - I don't know. Leave the country? 291 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:05,072 - I wish people would stop making that joke. 292 00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:07,683 - What joke? 293 00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:13,863 ♪ 294 00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:15,299 - I am not a child. 295 00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:18,999 You know what? 296 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,217 That's it. When I get home, 297 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,002 I am telling Will our friendship is over. 298 00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:23,830 - Wait. 299 00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:27,485 - Uh, I didn't really ask your opinion. 300 00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:28,965 But you do make a point. 301 00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:31,533 Maybe I should wait. 302 00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:32,839 I'm being rash. 303 00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,188 I'm Jack, by the way. 304 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,756 - Robert. - Nice to meet you, Robert. 305 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,106 Maybe he's right, though. 306 00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:41,282 Maybe--maybe I should pay my own way. 307 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,850 - Wait. - Thank you, that's crazy. 308 00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,982 ♪ 309 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,505 - What do you mean you can't help me? 310 00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:49,812 You're my sister, Janet. 311 00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:52,597 I helped you when your braces got stuck 312 00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,730 on Brian Landman's zipper. 313 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,819 Yeah, I could've let Mom find you like that, 314 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,213 and I didn't. 315 00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:00,170 This is a crisis. 316 00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:03,783 Did you see the picture I sent? 317 00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,697 Yes, of course I lit some candles. 318 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,569 I lit a jillion candles, 319 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,310 so at least I know it smells like-- 320 00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:10,877 [gasps] [smoke alarm chirping] 321 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,705 Smoke, smoke, smoke! 322 00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:15,577 No! No, no, no, no, no, no. 323 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:18,319 No, no, fire extinguisher. 324 00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:19,799 Fire extinguisher. 325 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,670 Fire extinguisher. 326 00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,498 Okay. 327 00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:25,848 All right, baby. 328 00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:28,720 We can do this. We can do this. 329 00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:31,854 [screaming] 330 00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:41,516 Oh, my God! 331 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,786 Oh. 332 00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:53,397 Oh, God. 333 00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:56,966 - Oh, my God. 334 00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,489 Grace, are you all right? 335 00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:00,883 - I-I'm fine. I'm fine. 336 00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,232 - What happened? 337 00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:03,712 - Um... 338 00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:06,323 um... 339 00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,282 you've been robbed! 340 00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:10,980 - Wait, when did this happen? 341 00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:12,764 - How am I supposed to know? I wasn't here. 342 00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:14,941 I mean, I was, but then I left, and then when I came back 343 00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,856 to see if you were home, the door was open. 344 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,205 - All right, I'm calling the police. 345 00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:21,904 - No. I mean--do we trust them? 346 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,732 I mean, what if it's one of them that did it? 347 00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:24,907 - Grace, my apartment got robbed. 348 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:28,084 It's not "The Departed," okay? 349 00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:30,957 Why do I smell smoke and lavender? 350 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:36,005 - The robber must've lit scented candles to calm down. 351 00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:40,314 Because crime is stressful. 352 00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:43,795 I mean, I once stole 353 00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:46,059 a king-size Almond Joy from a bodega, 354 00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,974 and I was so stressed out afterwards, 355 00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:49,540 I had to get a hot stone massage. 356 00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:50,977 It's a real thing. 357 00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:55,329 - I'll make sure to tell the cops your theory. 358 00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:57,331 ♪ 359 00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:00,638 . 360 00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:02,640 - You say the door was open when you got here? 361 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:03,946 - That's what I said. 362 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,948 Oh, but you don't have to write that down. 363 00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,820 - Oh, but I do. 364 00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:12,650 - Well, whoever did this left plenty of DNA back there. 365 00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:17,612 - Boy, I hope you guys catch this psychopath. 366 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:21,485 - I mean, we don't know that she-- 367 00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:25,707 or, much more statistically likely, he... 368 00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:28,101 is a psychopath. [laughs] 369 00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:31,191 ♪ 370 00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,801 [knocking at door] 371 00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:35,064 - Will, I am so worried about Jack. 372 00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:36,544 I came home to find nothing 373 00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:40,591 except for this beautiful bouquet of balloon elegance. 374 00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:42,332 - Are those filled with gold flake? 375 00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:45,509 - Yes. He spares no expense. 376 00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,207 - We had a fight at Ms. Coco's. 377 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,643 He should be home by now. 378 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:49,992 - What happened? Why was he upset with you? 379 00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:52,473 - I-I told him I thought it was time 380 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,344 for him to grow up, 'cause he's almost 50, 381 00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,346 so I-I'm cutting him off. 382 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:59,436 - Will, 31 is not almost 50. 383 00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,700 And who would want Jack to grow up? 384 00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:06,008 Will, sit down. You know what? 385 00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:10,970 In Spain, we have a story of a boy who is like Jack 386 00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:14,886 who never grew up, and he wears tights. 387 00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,846 - Yeah. It's "Peter Pan." 388 00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:19,021 - No. 389 00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:22,068 In our version, this "forever boy" 390 00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:26,724 fights with a pirate who has a hook for a hand, 391 00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:30,685 and his best friend is a teeny, tiny fairy. 392 00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,252 - That's "Peter Pan." 393 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:35,995 - No, no, Pedro escapes to Nunca NuncaLand-- 394 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,693 - Right, that--so... 395 00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:41,043 that means he escaped to Never Never Land. 396 00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:42,044 It's "Peter Pan." 397 00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:44,177 - You are wrong. 398 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,700 But that is not the point, okay? 399 00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:48,529 The point is, Jack should never grow up. 400 00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:50,705 He reminds all the people around him 401 00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:53,490 how it feels to be young. 402 00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:54,665 - Can't argue with you there. 403 00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,319 - It's just like Pedro says, 404 00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:57,625 [speaking Spanish] 405 00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:01,107 - "I won't grow up!" That's "Peter Pan." 406 00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,805 - Mi amor,you have returned. How are your eyes? 407 00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,937 - My vision is perfect. 408 00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:08,375 And I feel like I'm seeing your beautiful face 409 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:10,377 for the very first time. 410 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,728 Oh, my God, Camilla! 411 00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,512 I loved your hat at Harry's wedding. 412 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:18,689 What was that, pheasant? - [chuckles] 413 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,561 Jack, listen-- - No, no, no, no. 414 00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:22,737 Just let me go first. 415 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,000 I realized something when I was out there. 416 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,176 I... 417 00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,439 I do need to grow up. 418 00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,572 And I'm gonna start by paying you back 419 00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:33,400 every penny you've ever given me. 420 00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:36,838 I'll get some boring job in an office. 421 00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:41,234 You know, we can eat at the Cheesecake Factory. 422 00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:43,932 And then see each other at the fantasy football draft. 423 00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:46,891 - Oh, well... 424 00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,287 I don't want you to grow up. 425 00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,246 Your innocence, your love of life, 426 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:58,773 the fact that you still write your name in your underwear, 427 00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:00,905 that's what I get out of this friendship. 428 00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:03,995 You can't put a price on that. 429 00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:09,262 - You know, listening to you just now, 430 00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,481 it really sounds... 431 00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:15,137 like you owe me money. 432 00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,617 - Jack, don't be greedy. 433 00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:18,271 You know, in Spain, we have a story 434 00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:22,971 of two very sugar-obsessed children who go into the woods, 435 00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:25,365 and they find a woman's house, and then they eat it. 436 00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:26,496 - That's "Hansel and Gretel." 437 00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,281 - No, in our version, 438 00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:30,631 the children eat a home that is made of... 439 00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:31,675 [speaking Spanish] 440 00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:33,068 - Yeah, gingerbread. It's "Hansel"-- 441 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,332 I'm not doing this with you anymore. 442 00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,856 - Oh, uh, Will, one more thing. 443 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,119 - How much do you need? 444 00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:43,034 - No, not that. 445 00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:46,168 Thank you for... 446 00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,997 everything. 447 00:18:50,912 --> 00:18:52,522 - Will, I'm gonna buy you the book. 448 00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:56,918 It's written by a woman who is a mother who is also a duck. 449 00:18:56,961 --> 00:18:59,834 - "Mother Goose." Get out of here. 450 00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:01,879 - Uh, may I speak with you a moment? 451 00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,316 Just, uh, woman to woman. 452 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:04,665 - Sure. 453 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,449 - Um, I see that you are not wearing a ring. 454 00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:08,059 Are you single? - I am. 455 00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:11,019 - Yeah, so you know what it's like out there dating. 456 00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:14,109 You know the hoops that you jump through 457 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,851 in order to seem better than you really are, 458 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:19,680 the things you hide in order to seem like a lady. 459 00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,029 - Oh, no, honey. 460 00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:23,162 See, I think that that type of disingenuousness 461 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,687 is a bad foundation for a relationship. 462 00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,036 - Sure, sure. 463 00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:30,125 But what if you spent the night with a guy, 464 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,345 and in the morning, you did something 465 00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:35,739 so unappealing... 466 00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:40,091 that you went to extremes to make it all go away? 467 00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:41,919 - I think I'm getting the picture. 468 00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:44,705 - I know that you have to "investigate," 469 00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:47,664 but maybe this just winds up 470 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:51,668 in the file stamped "unsolved." 471 00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:52,713 You feel me? 472 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:54,410 - I think I do. 473 00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:56,151 Hey, Joe, we can wrap it up here. 474 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,457 - Oh, God bless you. 475 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,546 - See, there's no crime here. 476 00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:02,244 This one took a brutal dump in the john. 477 00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:08,381 The rest of this damage is just part of her cover-up. 478 00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,034 Let's go. 479 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,696 - So... 480 00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:23,831 this is kind of like that lovely moment in "Evita" 481 00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:29,053 when she asks, "Where do we go from here?" 482 00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,925 - What? 483 00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:33,101 We are not going anywhere. 484 00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:36,670 There is no coming back from this. 485 00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:38,846 You lied, you let me call the police, 486 00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:40,369 you ruined my apartment! 487 00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,719 - Oh, but I-I can help you with that last one, 488 00:20:42,763 --> 00:20:45,766 because you know I'm an interior designer. 489 00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:47,289 - You want me to hire you? 490 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:51,511 - Naturally, I wouldn't charge full markup. 491 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,861 - And I thought that sleeping with my father and my son 492 00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,428 was the worst thing that you could do. 493 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:58,866 - I'm full of surprises. 494 00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:00,868 - Just stop, Grace. 495 00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:04,828 - I'll see myself out. 496 00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:07,657 Um... 497 00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:08,789 I think this--this is yours. 498 00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:11,748 - [groans] 499 00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:13,663 - Oh, and this little... 500 00:21:13,707 --> 00:21:15,317 yep. 501 00:21:20,148 --> 00:21:21,628 Now you show up. 502 00:21:21,671 --> 00:21:23,282 ♪